Funny Quotes On Life | Humorous quote

Humorous quote

Funny Quotes On Life! Writers, politicians, and humorists offer an endless field of funny aphorisms in which it is delicious to immerse yourself. A selection of brilliant word games, from our cultural heritage or from the pens of the greatest authors!

The best of witticisms, murderous phrases, and other detailed verbal delicacies

Words drawn over a repartee, a speech, or a work, constitute as many humorous pearls that the lover of good words likes to collect.

The doctors are clear: laughter is healthy! Every day, discover humorous quotes from the greatest laughers: Coluche, Pierre Desproges, Pierre Dac, Groucho Marx … The funniest quotes to be brilliant in all circumstances! An anthology of celebrity pearls, quirky and ambiguous little phrases, unstoppable briefs, and other humorous, cult thoughts. Funny Quotes On Life!

225 humorous quotes

  1. The actors have a singular language: They remember, improvise, color their memory, quote forgotten formulas, even invent funny, cruel sentences which are repeated and become quotes. Jean-Claude Brialy
  2. As high as we go, we still don’t end up with ashes. Henri Rochefort
  3. It is better to shut up and sound like a jerk than to speak up and leave no doubt on the subject. Pierre Desproges
  4. Entertainment is the best weight loss diet in existence. Franck Dhumes
  5. I haven’t spoken to my mother-in-law for 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt. Ken dodd
  6. The last time I entered a woman was while visiting the Statue of Liberty. Woody Allen
  7. He was Norman by his mother and Breton by a friend of his father. Alphonse Allais
  8. A good husband never remembers his wife’s age but always remembers her birthday. Jacques Audiberti
  9. It is better to mobilize your intelligence on bullshit than to mobilize your bullshit on smart things. The Shadocks
  10. Men are always sincere. They change their sincerity that’s all. Sad Bernard
  11. Since I learned to laugh at myself, I never get bored again. Georges Bernard Shaw
  12. To be neutral is to take advantage of the embarrassments of others to arrange one’s affairs. Denis Diderot
  13. When you are 20 years older than a woman, she is the one who marries you. Sacha Guitry
  14. Give me a bath without water, I don’t have time to dry myself !. Marcel Celmas
  15. A local policeman is a policeman who shoots at point-blank range. Marc Escayrol
  16. To sleep with an old man, what a horror! But with a young person, what a job !. Alice Sapritch
  17. At this time when everything is increasing, we are happy to learn that the kilometers, meters, and centimeters have not changed since the last seven years. Well done !. Coluche
  18. Tax allowance: State in which a taxpayer is located who has just received his tax notice. “. Marc Escayrol
  19. Society is divided into two classes: those who have more dinners than appetite and those who have more appetite than dinner. Chamfort
  20. Cinema: dangerous place because of the risk of being thrown by turnips. Marc Escayrol
  21. Easy woman: a woman whose number begins with 3615. Marc Escayrol
  22. The swallow does not make spring, but the camel makes the desert. Francois Cavana
  23. The first man that got married, he didn’t know. .. The second is inexcusable. Henri Jeanson
  24. Happiness: a feeling of well-being that can lead to recklessness. If you are swimming in happiness, be careful, stay where you have your footing. Marc Escayrol
  25. It has been discovered that children with two heads are nowhere near as witty as those who have only one. Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
  26. In politics as in life, it is often like this: When you don’t have what you love, you have to love what you have. Jacques Chirac
  27. Household comfort corrupts; a righteous man is a man who has no sink. Marc Escayrol
  28. I would like to know the music that my dog’s tail beats in time. Yvan Audouard
  29. Some books are like Italian cuisine: their stuff, but don’t fill. Edmond and Jules de Goncourt
  30. I like cats because there are no police cats. Jean Cocteau
  31. With us, the shits are stretched so that they make more use. Frédéric Dard
  32. Money is more useful than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Woody Allen
  33. Our head is round to allow thought to change direction. Francis Picabia
  34. It takes three to enjoy a good story. One to tell it well, one to taste it, and one not to understand it. .. Because the pleasure of the first two is doubled by the incomprehension of the third. Alphonse Allais
  35. When Christ was resurrected, he first appeared to women so that the news would spread more quickly. Jean Charles
  36. Put all your eggs in one basket and watch the basket. Mark Twain
  37. Saving is a good thing, especially if your parents did it for you. Winston Churchill
  38. I passed an excellent evening. .. but it wasn’t this one. Groucho Marx
  39. Fame is not easy to assume. I can’t think of anything worse! Yes, maybe anonymity. Guy Bedos
  40. When I learned that Xavier Bertrand belonged to Freemasonry, I was not surprised to find him a mason; but frank, it clogs a corner. Francois Fillon
  41. Have you seen how popular Mr. Sarkozy is in the Amazon rainforest? Christian Estrosi
  42. Fadela Amara in the government shows the limits of Fogiel casting. Nadine Morano
  43. Johnny Hallyday, who announces his intention to remain French, and Bernard Laporte, who enters the government, it is a good period for French intelligence. Francois Goulard
  44. It is the same creator who named the stars and who knows the names of the seven souls we mourn today. The Columbia shuttle crew did not return to Earth intact, so we can pray that they are all safe at home. George W. Bush
  45. Some men get what they deserve: others are single. Sacha Guitry
  46. There are two ways to take a woman: by size and by feelings. Henri Bataille
  47. Women who love us for our money are very nice: at least we know what to do to keep them. Francis Blanche
  48. I have a trick to remember your wife’s birthday: just forget it once !. Michel Galabru
  49. A used car is a car where all the parts make noise except the horn. Pierre Dac
  50. It is good to treat friendship like wine and beware of mixtures. Colette
  1. From a man everything is possible; of a woman everything is probable. Henri de Régnier
  2. On his deathbed, man thinks rather of raising his soul than rabbits. Louis Auguste Commerson
  3. Mozart was so precocious that at 35 he was already dead. Pierre Desproges
  4. When it comes to physical love, textiles are more embarrassing than principles. Philippe Bouvard
  5. Traffic accidents are not caused by alcohol, but by the car. The proof: put an alcoholic in a wheelchair, he won’t kill anyone. Luis Rego
  6. There are so many things that we wish we had done yesterday and so little that we want to do today. Cute mac Laughlin
  7. God does what he can with his hands, but the devil does much better with his tail. Jacques Prévert
  8. High heels were invented by a woman who was always kissed on the forehead. Marcel Achard
  9. Laziness: habit taken to rest before fatigue. Jules Renard
  10. The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts the moment you get up and doesn’t stop until you get to the office. Robert frost
  11. The best way to turn a woman’s head is to tell her that she has a pretty profile. Sacha Guitry
  12. God created man. And then, to thank him, man created God. Philippe Geluck
  13. Discretion is my motto. I never say anything. Even on my business card, there is nothing written. Marx Brothers
  14. Watch out for overwork. And especially when you are not looking at anything, remember to take off your glasses! Coluche
  15. The woman who loves you talks to you about the future. The one who doesn’t love you talks about gifts. Maurice Dekobra
  16. When in a meeting, a man does not say anything while everyone else is talking, only he can be heard. Raymond Devos
  17. A forbidden meaning, in short, it is only an authorized meaning but taken backward. Pierre Dac
  18. Experience: name with which men baptize their mistakes. Oscar Wilde
  19. As Jeanne D’arc said while climbing to the stake: The main thing is to be believed. Frédéric Dard
  20. The bonds begin in champagne and end in chamomile. Valery Larbaud
  21. Love is like cards: if you don’t have a partner, you need a good hand. Pierre Desproges
  22. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage: they already know the pain and have already bought jewelry. Rita Rudner
  23. Did you hear my dialogue in Braveheart? They must have confused me with the mime Marceau. Sophie Marceau
  24. The flirtatious woman is the pleasure of others and the evil of whoever possesses her. Voltaire
  25. The most compliment I can give a woman is to say to her: I am as well with you as if I were all alone. Jean Yanne
  26. I took a speed-reading class and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It’s about Russia. Woody Allen
  27. Nice paradox: the woman is the masterpiece of God, especially when she has the devil in her body. Alphonse Allais
  28. By swallowing the bad words that we do not utter, we never damaged our stomach. Winston Churchill
  29. It is better to be unfaithful to the man you love than to be faithful to a man you don’t. Wolinsky
  30. We dominated them 99% of the time. It was the remaining 3% that cost us the victory. Ruud Gullit
  31. When the candles are out, all the women are pretty. Plutarch
  32. Marriage is like a restaurant: you are barely served when you look at your neighbor’s plate. Sacha Guitry
  33. The only time a woman can change a man is when he’s a baby. Nathalie Wood
  34. Politics is like love: you need great feelings and small intentions. Michele Barzach
  35. We only lend to the rich, and we are right because it is difficult for others to repay. Sad Bernard
  36. In war as in love, to end it, you have to see each other up close. Napoleon I
  37. Unlike men, the ocean retreats so that the sea can keep its fish. Pierre Dac
  38. I don’t see how my daughter could have become a chartered accountant. Johnny Halliday
  39. The Bac is like laundry: you wet, dry, and iron. Henri Troyat
  40. In half of today’s couples, it is the man who takes care of the children and the other man who goes to work. Jean Yanne
  41. A bank will lend you an umbrella when the weather is nice and take it back when it rains. Georges bernard shaw
  42. No race horse is capable of spinning as fast as the money that has been put on it. Coluche
  43. Why play so many notes when there are such beautiful ones? Miles Davis
  44. My theory is that the mature woman is physically polygamous but emotionally monogamous, i.e. the opposite of man. Alan Brien
  45. Better to be devoured by remorse in the forest of Forbach than to be devoured by morbacs in the forest of Frankfurt. Pierre Desproges
  46. If sleeping with a 15-year-old girl is a misappropriation of a minor, sleeping with a woman over 70 is a violation of burial. Jose Artur
  47. What if everything was just an illusion and nothing existed? In this case, I really paid too much for this rug. Woody Allen
  48. Common sense is what gets you listened to when you’re not smart. Frédéric Dard
  49. The bed is the most dangerous place in the world: 99% of people die there. Mark Twain
  50. Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. Alphonse Allais
  51. At the time, he was wiser than today; he often asked my opinion. Winston Churchill
  52. Sometimes I thought about ending my life. But I never knew where to start. Jacques Prévert
  53. For many men, speaking precedes thought. They only know what they are thinking after hearing what they are saying. Gustave Le Bon
  54. Real laziness is getting up at 6 a.m. so you can spend more time doing nothing. Tristan bernard
  55. A good tip for looking ten years younger is to get ten years old when you say your age. Jean Claude Van Damme
  56. The real anarchist always walks between the nails because he hates arguing with the cops. Georges Brassens
  57. Experience is that wonderful thing that lets you recognize a mistake when you make it again. FP Jones
  58. What is the use of learning what is in the books, since it is there? Sacha Guitry
  59. To look natural, I need a really good makeup artist. Donatella Versace
  60. The first part of our life is wasted by our parents, and the second by our children. Clarence Darrow
  61. Why do I play bitches so well? Because I am not. This is probably why Joan Crawford always plays respectable ladies. Bette Davis
  62. A friend is like a melon. You have to try several before finding a good one. Alfred de Musset
  63. In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed is frowned upon !. Pierre Dac
  64. Dreadful week: not a single opinion poll. Too bad, we’ll try to figure out our own intentions on our own. André Frossard
  65. Don’t take revenge on a woman, time takes care of it for you. Paul Claudel
  66. Monsieur Rocard reasons in billions of light-years. In fact, it is more years old than it is light. Valéry Giscard d’Estaing
  67. It is not because man is thirsty for love that he must throw himself on the first gourd. Pierre Desproges
  68. A gentleman is a gentleman who, when he meets a middle-aged woman, opts for the least likely. David Niven
  69. Life is always too cruel. All we can do is try to pass the ball and let the sunshine. Hoping it shines for everyone. Eric Cantona
  70. Way too much for what I do, but not enough for what I piss off. Daniel Pennac
  71. Those who dream by day will always have an advantage over those who dream at night. Edgar Allan Poe
  72. Women live longer than men, especially when they are widowed. Georges Clemenceau
  73. Some women do not become spiritual until they get older; it seems that then they are working to make themselves heard to prevent people from looking at them. Jacob
  74. A successful man is a man who earns more money than his wife spends. And a successful woman is a woman who has found such a man. Lana Turner
  75. Marriage is exchanging bad moods during the day and bad smells at night. Montherlant
  76. It is not I who speak, it is we who speak. Jean Claude Van Damme
  77. The pleasant prospect of widowhood sustains the courage of many wives. John Gay
  78. Refrain from telling your wife about the infamies you have done the previous ones. You don’t have to give him ideas. Sacha Guitry
  79. The opposite of laughter is not seriousness, it is reality. Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel
  80. Good ill-gotten gains only benefit those who are smart enough not to get caught. Pierre Dac
  81. Autopsy: it allows others to discover what we have never been able to see in ourselves. Maurice Ferrand
  82. According to an American study, 20% of the inhabitants of our planet speak English. Yes, the remaining 80% did not understand the question. Jean Yanne
  83. I know that for a woman it’s hard to make a man happy. But if this job seems too hard on your own, join forces with others. Pierre Desproges
  84. When God is silent, we can make him say what we want. Jean-paul Sartre
  85. Going to salons taught me one thing: to stop shopping around street corners for what you can find for free from women around the world. Michel Audiard
  86. The administration is a place where people who arrive late meet on the stairs those who leave early. Georges courtliness
  87. What do all the men I’ve loved have in common? I !. Jeanne Moreau
  88. La Meije has 3,998 meters. It lacks 2 meters to make the 4000. It’s bad luck !. Tristan bernard
  89. It is not our pollution that attacks the environment. It is the impurities in our air and in our water that are responsible for it. George W. Bush
  90. I have often wondered what makes the good flu different from a bad one. Pierre Dac
  91. My wife is helpless: fortunately for her, otherwise she would be mistaken for an elephant. Pierre Doris
  92. Beauty on all fours could be a stag; beauty on two legs, a stork; beauty does not depend on the number of legs. Chinese proverb
  93. When they brought the ashes of Napoleon I to Les Invalides, We realized, it’s too stupid, That there was no ashtray. Tristan bernard
  94. Nature is far-sighted: she grows apples in Normandy knowing that it is in this region that the most cider is drunk. Henri Monnier
  95. You have to put money aside to have it in front of you. Tristan bernard
  96. Widowers mourn the pleasure they had in cheating on their wives. Robert de Montesquiou-Fézensac
  97. Really, very bizarre people can make tough decisions and have a phenomenal impact on history. George W Bush
  98. I would readily agree that women are superior to us if that would deter them from pretending to be our equals. Sacha Guitry
  99. It’s not those who run the fastest who are in a hurry. Coluche
  100. Apart from the monkeys, all animals refuse to make love face to face. They must sense that the behind wrinkles less quickly than the face. Sim
  1. I am sometimes too enthusiastic. I start as a racehorse and arrive like a donkey. Veronique Jeannot
  2. You should never judge people by their dating. Here, Judas, for example, had perfect friends. Verlaine
  3. It is when you are right that it is difficult to prove that you are not wrong. Pierre Dac
  4. It was not with the modem that he succeeded in reconnecting with the French. Xavier Bertrand
  5. It is better to be naked in a masterpiece than dressed in a turnip. Victoria Abril
  6. I’d give you a parachute if I was sure it wouldn’t open. Groucho Marx
  7. It seems that the inventor of the cedilla is a certain Groçon. Philippe Geluck
  8. She floats, she hesitates, in a word, she is a woman. Root
  9. Fame has given me a big advantage: women who say no to me are more beautiful than they used to be. Woody Allen
  10. A traitor is a politician who leaves his party to join another. On the other hand, a convert is a politician who leaves his party to join yours. Clemenceau
  11. Humans are the only animals I’m really afraid of. Georges bernard shaw
  12. Why contradict a woman? It is so much easier to wait for her to change her mind !. Jean Anouilh
  13. A woman who thinks she is intelligent claims the same rights as a man. An intelligent woman gives it up. Colette
  14. When you gain confidence in confidence, you become confident. Jean Claude Van Damme
  15. Two things are endless: the universe and human stupidity. As far as the universe is concerned, I have not acquired absolute certainty. Einstein
  16. If you want your wife to listen to what you are saying, tell another woman. Guitry
  17. 80% of married men cheat on their wives in the United States. The rest are wrong in Europe. Jackie mason
  18. It’s not enough to have luggage, you still have to know where to put it. Coluche
  19. If you want to earn a living, you just have to work. But if you want to get rich, you have to find something else. Alphonse Karr
  20. There are a thousand inventions to make a woman speak, but not one to silence her. Guillaume Bouchet
  21. A false mistake is not necessarily a true truth. Pierre Dac
  22. The new military service lasts three hours. It’s a shame, it takes a lot longer to learn how to be an alcoholic, a liar, a thief, and an eyebrow !. Jean Yanne
  23. I would really believe in freedom of the press when a journalist can write what he really thinks of his newspaper in his newspaper. Bedos
  24. The rare hair, that gives the intellectual air, if not intelligent. Anne Roumanoff
  25. God in creating man somewhat overestimated his capacities. Oscar Wilde
  26. Bullshit is like pox, there is no cure, there are only remissions. Yvan Audouard
  27. Lots of depressing quotes only hold up because they shoot it. Frédéric Dard
  28. A cremated person cannot turn around in his grave. Jose Artur
  29. God has acted wisely by placing birth before death; otherwise, what would we know about life? Alphonse Allais
  30. The story will be indulgent to me, for I intend to write it. Winston Churchill
  31. Mirrors would do well to think it over before returning the images. Jean Cocteau
  32. A woman never sees what is done for her: she only sees what is not done. Courteline
  33. According to statistics, there is one in five people who are unbalanced. If there are four people around you and they look normal to you, that’s no good. Van Damme
  34. It is better to have several on a good deal than alone on a bad one. Tristan bernard
  35. I am writing you a long letter because I do not have time to write a short one. Pascal
  36. All men are born actors except a few actors. Sacha Guitry
  37. Women would be lovely if you could fall into their arms without falling into their hands. Ambrose Bierce
  38. In life, there are no big ones, there are no small ones. The right length for the legs is when the feet are touching the ground. Coluche
  39. Weather is a science that allows you to know what the weather should have been like. Bouvard
  40. The most tiring work is not the one we do, but the one that remains for us to do. Jean Brassard
  41. When we bring bad news, no one thinks of offering you a drink. Pagnol
  42. Those who think of everything forget nothing and those who think of nothing do the same since, thinking of nothing, they have nothing to forget. Pierre Dac
  43. The women’s handbag is a real toolkit, like plumbers don’t lug around. And all day long, as soon as they have a moment, they repair. Jean Cau
  44. Closing brothels is more than a crime, it is a pleonasm. Arletty
  45. Laughter, like the windshield wipers, allows you to move forward even if it doesn’t stop the rain. Jugnot
  46. The difficult thing is not to be with your friends when they are right, but when they are wrong. André Malraux
  47. Between a bad cook and a poisoner, there is only a difference in intention. Pierre Desproges
  48. What is serious in a household is when one loves and the other doesn’t. But if they don’t love each other, they can be very happy. Alfred Capus
  49. It’s when you pay your taxes that you realize you can’t afford the money you earn. Frédéric Dard
  50. It is often with a stupid woman that one lives on good terms. Albert Willemetz
  51. You have to take the money where it is, that is to say from the poor. Okay, they don’t have a lot of money, but there are a lot of poor people. Alphonse Allais
  52. The trouble in this world is that fools are sure of themselves, and sane people are full of doubts. Bertrand Russel
  53. Men deliver their souls like women their bodies, in successive and well-defended areas. André Maurois
  54. There are three kinds of lies: lies, bloody lies, and statistics. Mark Twain
  55. Women are the interchangeable instruments of an always identical pleasure. Proust
  56. The trouble is, we neglect football in favor of education. Groucho Marx
  57. You should never slap a deaf person. He loses half the pleasure: he feels the slap, but he doesn’t hear it. Georges courtliness
  58. A good deal: buy all the women at the price they are worth and sell them at the price they value. Jules Renard
  59. Calling a spade a spade is fine. But knowing how to distinguish a Carthusian from a wild cat is even better !. Colette
  60. The artichoke is the only food that, when you have finished eating it, there is more of it on the plate than when you started. Coluche
  61. Marriage is when a woman asks a man to take off his pajamas. .. to put it in the dirty laundry basket. Albert Finney
  62. I can’t keep up. Alain is overtaken by Delon. Alain Delon
  63. It’s easy to quit smoking, I quit 20 times a day. Oscar Wilde
  64. Those who do not know where they are going are surprised to arrive elsewhere. Pierre Dac
  65. I have turned so many turnips that my career is like a vegetable garden. Jean Lefebvre
  66. I got married too, but I had an excuse: the dishwasher didn’t exist yet. Patrick Font
  67. Hemorrhoids are gaining ground, researchers are scratching their heads. Bigard
  68. Love one another, Christ said, but he didn’t forbid preferences. Jacques Normand
  69. I never had any luck with women. There always came a time when their stupidity exceeded my love. Paul Léautaud
  70. I am betting in Lourdes with my wife. There were no miracles I came back with. Seymour Brussel
  71. Carefully avoid playing sports: there are people who get paid for it. Stephen Leacock
  72. Some people are so ashamed to borrow that they dare not give it back. Frédéric Dard
  73. I would like to end with a message of hope. I do not have any. In return, would two messages of despair go to you? Woody Allen
  74. Words are to thoughts what gold is to diamonds: it is necessary to put them into practice, but little is needed. Voltaire
  75. It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue. Voltaire

Judas(New Testament) supposed brother of St. James; one of the Apostles who is invoked in prayer when a situation seems hopeless more (Definitions, Synonyms, Translation)

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